It just occurred to me in a rather real way the importance of having friends in one's life.
I have not posted here in almost a year. Not because I didn't want to but more because I didn't really have the time or the proper frame of mind to do so.
But when I had the aforementioned 'revelation' I found myself needing to post again.
You need friends so that you have someone to chat with, to dine with, to go shopping with or just to simple hang out with. Friends allow you an outlet to bitch, cry, scream and laugh. They are supports that help keep you sane.
For many many years I have had to struggle with this issue of having friends. To put it simply I have never had many friends and the circle seems to get smaller as the years go by.
I envy those who are blessed with good friends, close friends. My heart feels a twinge of jealousy whenever I come across such poeple. My heart feels especially hurt when they are people that I used to know.
Perhaps it's me. Perhaps it's my own fault that my friends do not stay. Perhaps it's because I don't meet up often enough with them. Perhaps it's because I am not interested in the same things as them.
There are many 'perhaps' and 'ifs' that I can and have thought about, but one thing I do know for certain and that is the fact that I am actually a socially awkward person. For some reason my social skills seemed to have been stunted at some point.
My social awkwardness has prevented me from keeping old and gaining new friends. The one thing that might have actually helped me overcome the awkwardness.
I am not sure if I am even making any sense here. But I do know that I am feeling the lost of not having any close friends with whom I can talk to about things.