The new year is almost here and I have not yet cleared the backlog of stuff from this year. I am so pathetic. I am also so tired of whining all the time about the pile of work I have yet to finish. How do I get my life back on track?
Things with the hubby have been going well lately. But how long will it last?
If there ever was a need for a book or article on 'How To Waste Time' or 'The Art of Procrastination' I'll probably be able to it.
What's my new year resolution?
Never to make one again. I've never been able to keep any resolution that I have made and it's depressing. I don't need another item on my list of things that is depressing to me.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Monday, December 26, 2005
Family Ties or Lies?
It really hurts when you are betrayed, let down or taken advantaged of, by someone you call family.
So what if they are an elder. Respect should go both ways right? Why should I be the one to constantly give in to them just because I came into this world several years later then them?
He still owes me a huge sum of money. Being the youngest and also young then, I was made to 'lend' him the money, which at that time was everything that I had. I was never given a fair choice. I was made to feel guilty if I had refused to part with my money then. I was always made to feel like I had an obligation to help him out because it was supposedly for the family.
Now after so many years, everytime I bring up the matter of him returning me my money he always said that he didn't have enough. Even though I suggested that he could pay me back in installments of $100 a month. But he could bring his family for holidays, buy a car, buy jewelry... etc.
He insisted on getting a cut when he recommended a 1-time deal to us. But when he got a huge on-going commission from a deal that I recommended he never once offered me anything.
And now I just learnt that he just took a client from me and claimed that he was entitled to the client because he was the one putting in the investments for the client. What a load of BULL SHIT!!
There are so many other such crap instances with him and the other one that sometimes it makes me wonder if I am right in defending my views on family unity and togetherness to my husband, who incidentally doesn't care much for family ties. In fact if I should bring this incident up to him, he would use it to reinforce his views.
What makes it more crappy is the fact that this came on an already slightly crappy tail end of a rather wonderful Christmas.
Sometimes I wished I could gather up the nerve to really tell them all off one by one without breaking down myself or allowing them to out talk me. There were times when the things that they say or do just gets me so fuming mad. But my mom did too damn good a job in drilling the importance of family harmony into me that I just shut my mouth and take the crap.
I wish I had a quick wit and a sharp tongue so that they will have no chance to out-talk, out-smart, or out-whatever me ever.
So what if they are an elder. Respect should go both ways right? Why should I be the one to constantly give in to them just because I came into this world several years later then them?
He still owes me a huge sum of money. Being the youngest and also young then, I was made to 'lend' him the money, which at that time was everything that I had. I was never given a fair choice. I was made to feel guilty if I had refused to part with my money then. I was always made to feel like I had an obligation to help him out because it was supposedly for the family.
Now after so many years, everytime I bring up the matter of him returning me my money he always said that he didn't have enough. Even though I suggested that he could pay me back in installments of $100 a month. But he could bring his family for holidays, buy a car, buy jewelry... etc.
He insisted on getting a cut when he recommended a 1-time deal to us. But when he got a huge on-going commission from a deal that I recommended he never once offered me anything.
And now I just learnt that he just took a client from me and claimed that he was entitled to the client because he was the one putting in the investments for the client. What a load of BULL SHIT!!
There are so many other such crap instances with him and the other one that sometimes it makes me wonder if I am right in defending my views on family unity and togetherness to my husband, who incidentally doesn't care much for family ties. In fact if I should bring this incident up to him, he would use it to reinforce his views.
What makes it more crappy is the fact that this came on an already slightly crappy tail end of a rather wonderful Christmas.
Sometimes I wished I could gather up the nerve to really tell them all off one by one without breaking down myself or allowing them to out talk me. There were times when the things that they say or do just gets me so fuming mad. But my mom did too damn good a job in drilling the importance of family harmony into me that I just shut my mouth and take the crap.
I wish I had a quick wit and a sharp tongue so that they will have no chance to out-talk, out-smart, or out-whatever me ever.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
'Must Do' List VS 'Want To Do' List
I have so much to do but I don't want to do them!!
The more I think about the pile of work the more I procrastinate. I keep finding other non-important stuff to do... like blogging. Anything that is totally not work related has suddenly become so much more interesting and compelling.
To do list, in order of urgency:
1 - Clear up the HUGE mess on my desk!
2 - Accounting. (I've got a bunch of checks and cash sitting on my messy desk waiting to be accounted for and deposited!)
3 - Finish up the new website and prepare for uploading on 31 Dec and launching on 1 Jan. (I dun mind working on this once I can get the 1st 2 items out of the way)
4 - Start on and finish up on a project that is way way over due. (This is one of the most dreaded work stuff that I need to get done.)
There are other work related stuff that I want to be able to do once the above 4 items get cleared out of the way. They are, in no particular order:
- revamp my accounting system so that it is more automated and comprehensive.
- work on coming up with a comprehensive list of products and services that we provide as well as a standard price list for everything.
- have a better budgeting for the new year. Both personally and for the business.
- be more consistent and diligent in my filling.
- plan and implement the following: better work flow, better marketing and promotion strategies, better after-sales service.
hmmm... I think that's all I can think of for now.
As for stuff that I want to do for myself:
- develop my own portfolio more.
- find ways to give myself a life that does not only revolve around my work and husband.
- save enough money so that I give my parents another great holiday like I did only once before many years ago.
- find the courage and opportunity to go on a long holiday by myself as I have always wanted to.
- to become a full time student again but in a different country this time.
Such are the things (and many more) that crowd my mind, at times when I find the need to prioritize the urgent but yucky stuff so hard to do.
The more I think about the pile of work the more I procrastinate. I keep finding other non-important stuff to do... like blogging. Anything that is totally not work related has suddenly become so much more interesting and compelling.
To do list, in order of urgency:
1 - Clear up the HUGE mess on my desk!
2 - Accounting. (I've got a bunch of checks and cash sitting on my messy desk waiting to be accounted for and deposited!)
3 - Finish up the new website and prepare for uploading on 31 Dec and launching on 1 Jan. (I dun mind working on this once I can get the 1st 2 items out of the way)
4 - Start on and finish up on a project that is way way over due. (This is one of the most dreaded work stuff that I need to get done.)
There are other work related stuff that I want to be able to do once the above 4 items get cleared out of the way. They are, in no particular order:
- revamp my accounting system so that it is more automated and comprehensive.
- work on coming up with a comprehensive list of products and services that we provide as well as a standard price list for everything.
- have a better budgeting for the new year. Both personally and for the business.
- be more consistent and diligent in my filling.
- plan and implement the following: better work flow, better marketing and promotion strategies, better after-sales service.
hmmm... I think that's all I can think of for now.
As for stuff that I want to do for myself:
- develop my own portfolio more.
- find ways to give myself a life that does not only revolve around my work and husband.
- save enough money so that I give my parents another great holiday like I did only once before many years ago.
- find the courage and opportunity to go on a long holiday by myself as I have always wanted to.
- to become a full time student again but in a different country this time.
Such are the things (and many more) that crowd my mind, at times when I find the need to prioritize the urgent but yucky stuff so hard to do.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Procrastination
Incredible!
I just spent about 5 hours figuring out how to jazz up this blog instead of working on some seriously over due stuff. And the site still looks the same except for the slightly fancier title image and a few more links.
Talk about procrastinating.....
*Sigh!*
Back to trying to clear all the crap that is in front, to the left and to the right of me.
I just spent about 5 hours figuring out how to jazz up this blog instead of working on some seriously over due stuff. And the site still looks the same except for the slightly fancier title image and a few more links.
Talk about procrastinating.....
*Sigh!*
Back to trying to clear all the crap that is in front, to the left and to the right of me.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Year-end Reflections
I just realized that it's been 1 year since I started this blog. Time really flies.
Not sure if anyone bothered to read my entries or follow my few sporadic rants. But it doesn't really matter. This is where I come to dump thots and feelings that can't be shared with anyone I know anyway.
This being the end of another year, most people become reflective and ponder on what has happened in the year, and I am no different.
It has been a sad year for me. My career (if you can even call it that) has steadily spiraled downwards no matter what I tried to do to revive it. My marriage has come to a flat, boring and cold plateau (not that it was very exciting before). My circle of friends has dwindled to almost non-existent.
It doesn't sound very good but to be fair there were good times also.
I came in 1st in my Jap class exams and got the best student award. We went for a nice short holiday on a cruise and had a great time. My works were very appreciated and there were talks about the possibility of an exhibition in Europe. I found an independent source of income that could really boost my financial situation in the new year.
So actually things are not that grim afterall. I've got 1 more year in my prime and I intend to make full use of it!
Not sure if anyone bothered to read my entries or follow my few sporadic rants. But it doesn't really matter. This is where I come to dump thots and feelings that can't be shared with anyone I know anyway.
This being the end of another year, most people become reflective and ponder on what has happened in the year, and I am no different.
It has been a sad year for me. My career (if you can even call it that) has steadily spiraled downwards no matter what I tried to do to revive it. My marriage has come to a flat, boring and cold plateau (not that it was very exciting before). My circle of friends has dwindled to almost non-existent.
It doesn't sound very good but to be fair there were good times also.
I came in 1st in my Jap class exams and got the best student award. We went for a nice short holiday on a cruise and had a great time. My works were very appreciated and there were talks about the possibility of an exhibition in Europe. I found an independent source of income that could really boost my financial situation in the new year.
So actually things are not that grim afterall. I've got 1 more year in my prime and I intend to make full use of it!
Sweet Dreams
I had a really nice dream last night. It was also the very first time since I'd known my husband that I had a dream about us together.
I dreamt that we were on our way home in the night when it suddenly started to snow. The feeling was surreal since I knew that it's not possible to have snow in the tropics where I am, yet at the same time it somehow felt right.
It was magical. I felt like a child again and was giggling and smiling the whole time.
I wished I could have held onto that dream a little longer. But reality pushed it's harsh head through and brought me back to tasks that I dread to do and a life that I desperately want to change.
I dreamt that we were on our way home in the night when it suddenly started to snow. The feeling was surreal since I knew that it's not possible to have snow in the tropics where I am, yet at the same time it somehow felt right.
It was magical. I felt like a child again and was giggling and smiling the whole time.
I wished I could have held onto that dream a little longer. But reality pushed it's harsh head through and brought me back to tasks that I dread to do and a life that I desperately want to change.
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