With the redesign of this blog I entered into a new phase.
My inner most thoughts and feelings are no longer all dark and grey. My world is no longer filled with darkness and feelings of hopelessness. Therefore there was no need for the background of this diary to remain black. This is a record of my mental and emotional states and the look and feel of it should reflect that.
A brief update should be in order here to bring this online journal up to speed with what has transpired.
Following the last post, my employment status changed for the better and I found myself once again in the work force. Knowing that I had no choice gave me the opportunity to assess my work attitude and mindsets. It helped to know that it was only a temporary assignment and that I am not expected to stay there permanently. But even so, I used to dread such assignments when I was younger and would perform badly and sometimes slightly irresponsibly. Therefore I didn't want to dread going to work as I once did, then and also throughout the last 8 years, so I told myself that whatever work I was given to do, no matter how mundane, monotonous or repetitive, I would approach it positively and do it to the best of my abilities. It turned out to be one of the best, if not the best, short term work assignments I have ever done. One can argue that the job scope wasn't typical but I would like to think that a lot of it had to do with the attitude I had going into the job.
This is but one of the many positive changes in my mental and emotional health that came out of my decision to walk away from that unhappy relationship that plagued and suppressed me for so long.
In my last post I mentioned that I had encountered someone special and would like to be able to progress with him. Well in the months that followed that entry both my heart and head came to realize that this is one matter on which they can both agree to be good for me.
For the first time ever in my life I can honestly and with confidence say that I am in love with someone. It is the heart-palpitating, giddy and blushing kind of love and the constant warmth, stable sense of belonging and deeply passionate kind of love rolled into one. And the best part of all this is the fact that I am not the only one feeling this way or offering this love within the relationship. I am being loved back in return in a way that far exceeds what I had hoped.
Although this doesn't mean that all will be smooth sailing all the time and be without difficulties from now on. But at least I know that even in the midst of these difficulties there is something there that I didn't have before - love.
No longer do I feel as though I were a bud that is darkened on the inside and destined to wither and die before it's had a chance to blossom.
Now, just as the flowers bloom in Spring, so too have I begun to finally blossom.