I hurt, I cry, I struggle. But who really cares?
I live everyday of my life in regret.
Not a day goes by where I do not regret my decision to marry him.
And because of that one mistake I am trapped by the need/obligation to do the right thing now.
Is there now other way?
Is there no way out for me?
Do I really have to force myself to love this man?
I wished I wasn't married to him.
I wished I had never met him.
Such a fool I have been to think that I could nurture some sort of love while having resentment and contempt in my heart.
I have lost all respect for and trust in him.
I despise him for he is petty, selfish, disgusting, rude, crude, stupid, insensitive, short, small, weak, and ugly.
How I ever agreed to marry him shall forever haunt me.
I do not wish I was dead but just wish to live a different life.
Guilt is the only thing that is keeping me from leaving.
Why can't he be magnanimous, tolerant, subtle, sensitive, tall, strong, tender, smart, loving, and pleasant looking?
Why didn't I wait for someone like that instead?