Tug of War

Follow my heart and do what makes me happy?
Or
Follow my head and do what is practical and the resposible thing to do?

Why can't I find a neutral middle ground where these two can coexist
harmoniously?

Why do I find myself always having to choose one or the other?

When I choose to follow my heart and emotions I am always left feeling
uneasy and unsure if that is the right thing to do. My heart is happy
but I am also plagued with guilt, doubt, and worry.

When I choose to follow my head and the practical road I always find
myself feeling sad, empty and withering inside.

I want to be happy but I can't ignore the practical side of things.

I want to be resposible and know that things are being taken care of
but I can't ignore the yearnings and cries of my emotional heart.

I am constantly at war with myself and I don't know how to deal with
it anymore. I don't want to deal with it anymore.

I've finally met someone that makes me happy and I want to find out
further if he is the one, the soul mate I have been searching for. But
if I can't resolve my inner war issues I can't whole heartedly and
confidently move forward with him.

Right now choosing him will mean following my heart instead of my
head. But my current situation with the divorce pending and the lack
of a job is calling out that I should be prudent and practical
instead.

He makes me happier than anyone has ever been able to. He has awaken
emotions in me that I thought I would never again have the chance to
experience. He comforts my heart and I feel myself healing inside when
I am with him. He has allowed me to finally forget about Him, someone
I have been carrying inside and pining after for the past 15 years.

I want to be able to step to his side and walk that path with him
wholeheartedly without reservations or doubt. I want to know what it
means to truely be accepted for who I am and be loved completely for
it. I want to be able let me heart love someone again. To have the
overflowing desire to care for that person and accept all that he is
without fear or doubt.

Because of him I want this tug of war with myself to end. I want to
call a truce and reconcile my head with my heart.