I needed to go out. To get out of the house. But I had no place in particular to go. And so I wandered aimlessly down the street and around the stores.
I needed to talk to a friend. To chat and be cheered up. But I had no one to call. And so I walked alone and silently through the crowds of friends and couples on a night out.
I needed to write. To release all the thoughts and feelings that were messing with me. But I was outside and could not find an internet cafe or the like. And so I came home to a silent house where my only source of solace can be found.
I walked through the house trying to find a place to rest and write. But tonight there was nowhere for me to rest. Tonight there is no place here that I can call my sanctuary, my place of comfort and escape.
I had no choice but to settle at my desk. For the need to write tonight was just too great to delay any longer. This place was once my sanctuary and refuge. It shielded me from the harshness that were my responsibilities and provided me with an outlet for my inner turmoils. But now I can find no comfort here. It reminds me too much of what was taken from me so abruptly.
I can find no rest tonight. For my heart is in anguish and my mind is unsettled. Even writing has failed to calm me and ease my troubles as before.
3 comments:
Hi again Riva; sounds like your start to the year has been about as good as mine.
Hope things improve for you soon; and try not to be too paranoid about your hubby- it will only send you to that psychiatry ward that much faster- and it will make you sick besides...
I wish I could give you some better advice; though as you've read some of my blog before you would know I'm sort of in the same boat with my own hubby- well; except for the sex part- that's the one part of my relationship that usually rocks.
Take care and keep blogging; I know it doesn't seem like anybody is reading out there but we are. And anyway; it's good for the soul...
Hi Riva
Just read your comment on my blog; thought you may have posted again.
Talking to a stranger isn't as hard as you might think;you're doing it now aren't you? Personally, talking to a stranger was what made it easier for me to open up- there's no fear of judgements and they can give you unbiased feedback. Maybe you should think about your Hubby's offer; nothing will improve unless you talk it out- and at least with a counsellor there they will mediate if things get a bit heated.
Or you could just go by yourself; I hardly shut up for the whole hour when I've gone alone!
Best wishes- again.
hello, I just read some of your past posts and see this is the last one... what happened to you?? hope you are doing okay, whatever it is.
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