Was reading an entry on bv's site and what was said helped to explain my reactions to the calamity in South & South-east Asia: I am saddened not so much by the incredible loss of lives, but more so by my inability to feel any more strongly about the event and the people affected.
As I watch the news everyday, hear about the many stories of miraculous escapes or heart wrenching losses, watch the many different footages of the waves and water, view the images of countless blackened bodies, I am strangely numb.
The visuals and reports has a detachment to it that makes it very difficult for me to emphatize/sympathize with the surviving victims of what is called the worst natural disaster in modern history. I find it difficult to comprehend or imagine the destruction, smells, sights and sounds that are reported and shown on tv.
It is disgusting sometimes to realize how sheltered and complacent we can become when the place you grew up in hardly ever experiences any disasters or catastrophes. That's how I'm feeling now: disgusted. Not by the gruesome images that are sometimes shown, but by the fact that I don't feel much pain or sorrow and to make it worst, I don't even really feel the compulsion to do much about it. Of course the easiest way to help is to donate money to the relief effort. But even that poses a dilemma: how much should I give? how much would quiet my conscience that I contributed?
Yet life has to go on, and indeed for the rest of the world, as we watched, time goes on and life moves on. Which makes it all the more difficult to truly react to the situation with the proper respect that a calamity of this magnitude deserves.
As the death toll rises to staggering figures of more than 100 000, that alone creates a sense of detachment as it inevitably becomes simply an incredible statistic. It is hard to truly accept and comprehend such a huge loss of human lives when all you see and hear are what's available in the papers, on tv and on the internet.
But I suppose that's the same with any disaster in any part of the world with any number of lives lost. You really need to either be there personally or be closely affected by the event to understand and feel the grief and sense of loss.
I am thankful that my family and I are safe. Yet I feel guilty at the same time that we are spared while there are so many others who were not. Times like these really makes you wonder and ask the natural question of 'Why?' But if you think about it, would it really help or make a difference if we did know the reason(s) behind such events? What would we do with such information? Will we be able to handle such truths? Perhaps that's why we are not meant to understand everything about such happenings. Times like these really are incredible tests of faith.
My respect goes out to volunteers who are personally and physically involved in the relief effort, both in the their countries and at the affected areas. Especially to those who has to handle the many bodies and cope with the images and smells that would no doubt remain in their memories for the rest of their lives.
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